Dec 21, 2017

Nov 28, 2017

aggressively, equally.

- I really don't mind this conversation at all. there is some level of comfort when talking with strangers..kinda liberating. especially on a website like this one.

- when i was younger I always thought I will do that and this when I grow up, but sadly, I almost did nothing. I wanted to travel..I did that by luck. I spent a year in the U.S. as an exchange student, and that is more than anyone would've dreamed of, but I want more. I want to travel to different countries and experience different cultures.

- I didn't even travel around Egypt for that matter. I have lots to see. DON'T grow up.
Do you know the feeling when we were younger and excited about something , we go to sleep so that tomorrow comes faster? now I don't want to go to sleep because I don't want to wake up tomorrow, and when I am asleep, I don't want to wake up because I don't want the day to start.

- I wish I had more time for reading nowadays. and a place for it, too. somewhere cold, overcast, and quiet where I can enjoy a book with hot coffee and the sound of firewood crackling in the fire and waves crashing angrily on rocks.

- London? no I was thinking more like Alaska, Sweden, or maybe Greenland. I hate summers.

- My year in the U.S. was in Alaska. all I could think about when I first knew i was going there was igloos and ice fishing, but I was way wrong. anyway, that is maybe why I have been in love with colder climate and snowy winter days. it just calms me down and puts me in a good mood. I like storms, too for the same reason. London would be great to visit someday, but it's not on top of my list. I think about traveling a lot even though I know I might never get to see another country, but all I have is thinking about stuff, and that will only stop when I am dead.

- I know what you mean..many times i was not feeling great, but once you start reading a book it engulfs you and you can't put it down. There is this app and extension called pocket that I use to save articles, stories, news related to the digital world and I read them later throughout the day or when I have time at work, but only because they are short enough that i can finish them in short time not like the books...I don't know how to explain this, but it's because I love reading and I want to enjoy it, I only want to do it when I am feeling good and the conditions are right..crazy I know. it's a closed circle > I don't want to do things I love because I am not feeling good < I am not feeling good because I am not doing the things I love.

- I do believe that everything is possible. however that doesn't mean that it will happen. I go from "I don't care I will do whatever I want" to "fuck that I will never be truly happy" in a heartbeat.

- have you ever thought about writing? like to get these angry thoughts and feelings out somehow? I think It helps a little. you can write like in diary or a blog. that's how I really started writing my in blog. I know that no one reads it, but sometimes it feels good to get things out from time to time. it is also a good way to see how much you have changed through the years. you will find your writings and thoughts are way different.

- writing is about venting. It doesn't always change things, but sometimes it helps you see things with more clarity. Its sometimes like having a conversation with your self. its different than the conversation we have in our mind. It gives your thoughts and ideas another dimension. or so I think. I haven't been writing as much recently, but when i did I enjoyed it. it also as I mentioned; helps me see how I changed over time. how my way of thinking changed. how my writing changed.

- you are asking the wrong person. I don't think this life is even remotely fair. Its hard to be happy and with people who understand you by your side, but its not impossible. one of the biggest problems imo is that the world puts all this rules..enforce them really "you have to be this way, talk this way, do such and such, wear this, eat that, talk to x and don't talk to y, behave in this manner, worry about what people think."
I have been fighting this or trying to at least most of my life, but it's not easy..not at all.
a few years ago, I couldn't understand why people commit suicide. I thought it was stupid and that even if you are done with your life, there were many more things to do better than killing yourself. I thought it was a sign of weakness, but I was wrong. There is just no way to understand what a person could go through until reaching this decision.

- I completely understand that way of thinking. I think the same all the time and have been losing hope step by step for a while now. I have lost even most of my passions due to inability to pursue them. just living day by day and clinging to the few moments when I forget all of that and enjoy a second or two of peace of mind.

- I'm thinking 24/7. I kinda know why smart people go crazy sometimes :D
I hate the morning. HATE IT. Actually, I now work at night. and I love it. I don't love my work, but I love working at night. I don't care much for the sun or sunny days or anything related to that. put me somewhere dark and silent where most of the people are asleep and I couldn't be happier. I really think that my health is better when I wake up at night and sleep during the day.

- I would say that there are other life forms out there. My thoughts are if aliens do exist, they must be either very very smart or very very stupid. they won't be as intelligent as we are. The universe is just too much bigger than us to be alone in it. our planet is a sand grain among the beach. I always loved space and when I was younger I wanted to become an astronomer. kinda still do. however, there are still a lot of things and beings on this planet that we know nothing about and it would be easier to be obsessed with that fact than focusing only on space. I fantasized a lot when I was a kid about having my own spaceship :D and I would be lying if I said I don't anymore.

- yes I understand the feeling. it's a vicious circle. we dream and dream and the dreams never come true until we reach a state that we stop dreaming all together.
*Dream on - Aerosmith*

- do whatever makes you enjoy your time at that moment. I sometimes find it easier to watch something rather than reading when I am not feeling good for any reason or tired from work etc...
I enjoy reading so much that I want to be at my best while reading, which isn't always the case. don't worry about time because we will never have enough. worry only about the time that passes by without you enjoying it.

- Japan is fun to visit, but not to live in as an outsider.. Their culture isn't really accepting of outsiders to live and work in their country. They respect others, but don't think they should work or live long term in Japan as they are really proud of their culture and history and want to keep Japan for Japanese. I want to visit it, but not live there. If I had a choice where to live, it would be something far up north and with a lot less people. Or somewhere on a beach with no one around within at least a 20 km area.

- I call it companionship. And it's what I value, even tho I haven't find it yet. Do you know the show elementary? I value the relation between Sherlock and John.

- You can if you had enough money. You can have a place in the city and a place away from the city and you can move between them depending on the mood. I sometimes get the same feeling, but I only found that I can only tolerate living in a city such as NYC where there are many cultures and everyone does whatever without judging and snooping. I would like it to be a loft in tall building where I can be away from direct noise and can turn the lights off at night and watch the city from a window or a balcony or something (a big glass window would be awesome). And I like the fact that you can just go to central park in the middle of the city and all of the sudden you are surrounded by nature. NYC is awesome.

- There are bad people everywhere, but its different than here. Here people will judge you and snoop and try to make you live the way they want. At least when I was in the U.S. No one cared what I was doing, wearing, etc... Even people who thought that Islam and Arabs = terrorism just conversed with me instead of calling names and shit. Here everyone is basically monitoring you just because they think they have the right to know everything you do and actually give you instructions on what you should and shouldn't do.

- I'm glad she was the reason you didn't go through with it. Hang on to her. Friends, real friends are very valuable. Even if you never meet. I actually met some of my really good friends online at first and then we met in real life and so on. For some reason I don't understand I always lose friends aggressively by the equal force we were friends. We will get very close, then drift apart really far.
And no matter what your first love ever did to you, it's no reason to hurt yourself. To tell you the truth, everything about romantic relationships passes with time except memories and those are what really hurt the most, but no matter how you think you are in love and can't forget about love, know that this feeling will pass eventually. Or whatever, I might not know what the hell I am talking about. I suck at this.

- Music is one of the greatest thing there is... Art in general is a treat to the soul.

Oct 1, 2017

the connection, the other pole, the right side of the equation...gone. time has passed for fantasies. good ones at least. maybe not.
lies are like gotta keep upping the dose otherwise the reality hits hard.

Jul 28, 2017

Is OkCupid tricking You into purchasing an A-List?

If You have ever used OkCupid, then it's almost a certainty that you have encountered this small pop-up in the bottom right corner informing You that someone liked You and even shows you a blurry picture of the secret admirer. However, I've noticed that they are always almost -as far as I can see through the blurred picture- perfect headshots, Which is not that weird giving the nature of the site, but it's not uncommon for a wide range of profile pictures to be of something else like a full body shot (Yeah I am talking about those mirror selfies with the tongue out) and some other not really even related to a person. If you googled around about the fake likes and such, You'll find a lot of discussions about the bots on the site that wants Your attention for various reasons and that OkCupid is fighting them to some degree, But what if the site itself was using the same method to entice You. After all, they gotta make money.

The so called "A-List" has some features that in My opinion are worthless. Even the Premium option isn't really very attractive. no pun intended.

One day I decided to mess around a little and see if I can get more out of this small blurred photo so the next time I got that notification at the bottom of the screen, I inspected the web page and got the link of the blurred photo and it was as such"
A-List Features
The first thing I noticed is the "60-22" part and enumerating it gives You a different blurred images. 60-21, 60-20, 60-23, etc.

The second thing is the big "F" in the link. Could that stand for "Female"? let's try the big "M" then.
It works. The use of "" is exclusive to images related to the design of the site and throughout My limited time looking at the site, I couldn't find any user related images using remotely anything close to that location.

One might argue that they use some kind of script to pull the image, resize it, blur it and then store it on that address, but giving the naming of the images, I highly doubt it. It's really shady.

No doubt that seeing a blurred image of someone that likes You is really enticing. The likes could be legit, but OkCupid uses these "fake" image to make it feel personal. Playing on our emotions, If you see a blank or a place holder of a user profile picture, It might not feel as personal as seeing a blurred image of what looks like a real person image. Even the blur part plays a great trick on the mind, Because the person that likes You is just right there and with a small fee You can finally meet Your soulmate. There is no better way to get You to spend money than playing on Your emotions. After all, OkCupid is in the business to make money.

On another note, What if the site is fully tricking You and the likes aren't even real? You could be enticed by that secret admirer, purchase A-List, go to see the lucky person, and You see "the likes are yet to come" and after reading the faqs or reaching to CS, You find out that "Sorry it was probably a camgirl bot and OkCupid regularly filter those profiles and remove them from the site, but don't worry, You are a total catch.

Jun 2, 2017


relationships are like 2 masses in get close super fast that you destroy each other, or leave magnificent craters..or in best case scenario, gravitational slingshot happens and shoots one away from the other. 

Jan 11, 2017

... because we changed the way we think for each other, not for ourselves. the change was momentary no matter how long we tried to keep it.

Jan 10, 2017

-  لا مفيش جديد.. من الشغل للبيت ومن البيت للشغل.
- و مبسوط ولا لا فعادي ولا اي حاجة لا مبسوط ولا متضايق. شغلي بليل فمستريح من دوشة الصبح والزحمة والخرا.
وايه اللي غير رأيي فعلشان اريح اللي حواليا.. بين قوسين اهلي.
- الفلوس كده كده مش جايبة همها.
- بليل الدنيا هادية مفيش زحمة ولا دوشة و الشغل روتيني اي كلام..
- انا بس برد بالقرف اللي انا حاسس بيه تجاه الموضوع.
- انا مابخدش فلوس من اهلي ولا بطلب منهم حاجة فزنهم على اني قاعد بس ومستقبلي والكلام الحمصي ده.
- لا بنام 11 12 واصحى على الشغل.
- معنديش حاجة اصحالها.
- انا في العادي مابقابلش حد اوي فمش فارقة كتير.
- اهو لحد ما ازهق.
- لو لاقيت هابقي اروح بس مالقتش حاجة قدامي.
- انا عامة مابقتش عايز حاجة اصلا اكتر من الاول.
- ساعات بنسى وبشتغل اتوماتيك من غير ماافكر في حاجة فمببقاش لا مبسوط ولا متضايق
لحد مافتكر تاني ان مفيش اي حاجة.
- يبني انا لا اصلح للزواج لا ماديا ولا شخصيا
بالنسبة لزن اهلي في الموضوع فا ماديا هو السبب اهو.
- انا ماينفعش اتعاشر كتير :D
- انا شخصيتي بضان كدة
يعني اصحابي اللي بيحبوني بيحبوني كدة
لكن عارفين اني بضان
و مستحملين
+ طول مانا مش مبسوط مش هاعرف ابسط حد.
- ممكن طبعا. بس انا مابعملش حاجة اصلا تخليني اعرف حد.
- اخرنا هانقضيها كافيهات و سينما الصبح زي بتوع ثانوي وهي تزن عليا علشان اجي اتقدملها
فليه افكر في حاجة زي كدة؟ اديني مرمى لوحدي انا مستحمل بضاني
وتعالى نقول اني هاقضيها انحراف... برده معنديش اللي يساعدني في ده
للأسف ساعات ببقى محتاج فعلا لحد... بس لا في ولا ينفع.